#12: Patio weather is here, bitches 😎

My top 5 Charlotte patios, a delicious burger, the case for adult coloring at restaurants

Nothing warms my cold hag heart like glorious return of patio season. Even the heinous sheen of pollen covering every surface (including my phone screen somehow) can’t kill my joy.

I have certain criteria for grading whether or not I like a patio experience: (1) They cannot be crowded, which rules out a lot of breweries. I’m willing to go to Christmas Market at OMB one time per year but that’s it. I will not be elbowing my way through groups of 20-somethings and golden doodles. (2) The music cannot be loud. This is self-explanatory. (3) The drinks have to be solid. I don’t want to be sipping shitty beer or a cocktail that has 1000mg of sugar in it and a tacky garnish. (4) There has to be a somewhat cool vibe. I’m not talking neon sign, plant wall vibe. I’m talking cool-without-trying vibe. I want to be somewhere that isn’t trying to sell me on how trendy or quirky it is.

Drinking and eating on a patio maybe not be a lasting cure for existential dread, but it is (at the very least) a temporary one. Here are my top 5 favorites right now.

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(1) Burial
Best for: Rooftop drinks without the depressing ambiance of a club and/or lounge
QCH take: If you look up the best rooftop bars in Charlotte they’re all places like “Aura” or “City Lights” or “Nuvole Rooftop TwentyTwo”. These are the types of places that would be filming locations for a show like Love is Blind and I will not set foot in them. Burial’s rooftop is one that won’t make you want to jump off of it. It’s low key, they play cool music, never too crowded, and they have a pretty expansive drink menu. When it’s nice out I like a “One of Us Will Have to Bury the Other” (kind of a better version of a Corona) served with a lime wedge.

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(2) Substrate
Best for: Splitting a bottle of natty wine with your dirtbag friends
QCH take: Substrate’s patio is underwhelming and that’s the entire appeal. It’s a casual spot where you can drink good wine but not have to sit next to a table wearing matching Lululemon spending 15 minutes waffling about whether or not they should get the burrata or the truffle fries to go with their bottle of pinot grigio. There’s no truffle fries here and I doubt you’ll find a pinot grigio. Outside food is welcome and I highly recommend snagging a pie from Bird Pizzeria next door.

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(3) The Goodyear House
Best for: Mixing up your regularly scheduled date night programming
QCH take: I have a strong aversion to “romanticize your life” content but give me some massive trees and strings lights to sit under and I’ll bite. The drinks and food alone I’d give a 7/10 tbh but the ambiance here is genuinely so lovely it makes the whole experience more enjoyable. Love the patio for brunch or lunch, too. Big fan of their “Devilish Toast”.

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(4) Hello, Sailor
Best for: Drinking boozy slushees by the lake and pretending you have a boat
QCH take: Even though Hello, Sailor’s quality has declined in recent years, their patio still remains among a top for me. Sitting by the lake at a tiki bar lets you fake being on vacation and it’s a WILD people watching spot. The C.L.S.D Negroni Slushee (made with Cherry Lemon Sundrop) is maybe my favorite warm weather drink of all time? I’ve always been into the MCM fish camp vibe here.

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(5) Rosie’s Coffee & Wine Garden
Best for: Talking shit with your book club
QCH take: Rosie’s takes me back to my childhood obsession The Secret Garden (minus the fear of becoming an orphan). It’s more than a patio—it’s a whole ass garden. Space-wise it’s ideal for bigger groups and you can bring outside food in. If your idea of a good time leans more towards solo reading time while enjoying a glass of wine, there’s tons of cozy quiet spots for that too. Be warned that the parking isn’t great and sometimes there’s private events on the weekends, so check before you go.

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5 things I consumed this week in Charlotte

1. “The Royale” ($10.95) with a single patty from Harriet’s Hamburgers. Discovered that I actually prefer “The O.G.” over “The Royale”. I love the lacy edges of their burgers and the “Simple Sauce” is so, so good. Obsessed with their fries, too.

2. A coloring book page (free) from Superica in Strawberry Hill. This was enjoyed alongside a few margs and tacos with friends. There were no children in attendance but we all decided that adult coloring at dinner should be a thing. I really love their chips and salsa (also free) and they have a pretty banger patio.

3. Lamb bolognese ($28) and a San Sebastian Martini ($19) from Rada. Literally repeated my order from last time (reviewed here). Sat at the bar. Didn’t take any photos. Lived my best martini and pasta life with no regrets. This place rules.

4. A cool vintage art piece ($150) from The Brass Grasshopper. Ventured to Matthews to check out this vintage store I saw on Instagram and it is MAGICAL. If you enjoy thrifting or vintage shopping, the selection is incredible and it’s less overwhelming than Sleepy Poet (still love them tho). There’s a Hardy Boys Record section in there too.

5. A bunch of vegetable seeds ($24) from Sow True Seeds. We started planting these in our garden this week so basically I’m a trad wife now. The company is located in Asheville and they have tons of cool heirloom varieties.

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Trying to decide what restaurant I want to try and review next. It’s between Restaurant Constance & DŌZO. Thoughts? Also any patios I should check out?

c u next tuesday,

the hag herself

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All of the food and drinks reviewed in QCH are paid for by the author. This newsletter does not feature any ads or sponsored content.