#12: Patio weather is here, bitches đ
My top 5 Charlotte patios, a delicious burger, the case for adult coloring at restaurants
Nothing warms my cold hag heart like glorious return of patio season. Even the heinous sheen of pollen covering every surface (including my phone screen somehow) canât kill my joy.
I have certain criteria for grading whether or not I like a patio experience: (1) They cannot be crowded, which rules out a lot of breweries. Iâm willing to go to Christmas Market at OMB one time per year but thatâs it. I will not be elbowing my way through groups of 20-somethings and golden doodles. (2) The music cannot be loud. This is self-explanatory. (3) The drinks have to be solid. I donât want to be sipping shitty beer or a cocktail that has 1000mg of sugar in it and a tacky garnish. (4) There has to be a somewhat cool vibe. Iâm not talking neon sign, plant wall vibe. Iâm talking cool-without-trying vibe. I want to be somewhere that isnât trying to sell me on how trendy or quirky it is.
Drinking and eating on a patio maybe not be a lasting cure for existential dread, but it is (at the very least) a temporary one. Here are my top 5 favorites right now.
(1) Burial
Best for: Rooftop drinks without the depressing ambiance of a club and/or lounge
QCH take: If you look up the best rooftop bars in Charlotte theyâre all places like âAuraâ or âCity Lightsâ or âNuvole Rooftop TwentyTwoâ. These are the types of places that would be filming locations for a show like Love is Blind and I will not set foot in them. Burialâs rooftop is one that wonât make you want to jump off of it. Itâs low key, they play cool music, never too crowded, and they have a pretty expansive drink menu. When itâs nice out I like a âOne of Us Will Have to Bury the Otherâ (kind of a better version of a Corona) served with a lime wedge.
(2) Substrate
Best for: Splitting a bottle of natty wine with your dirtbag friends
QCH take: Substrateâs patio is underwhelming and thatâs the entire appeal. Itâs a casual spot where you can drink good wine but not have to sit next to a table wearing matching Lululemon spending 15 minutes waffling about whether or not they should get the burrata or the truffle fries to go with their bottle of pinot grigio. Thereâs no truffle fries here and I doubt youâll find a pinot grigio. Outside food is welcome and I highly recommend snagging a pie from Bird Pizzeria next door.
(3) The Goodyear House
Best for: Mixing up your regularly scheduled date night programming
QCH take: I have a strong aversion to âromanticize your lifeâ content but give me some massive trees and strings lights to sit under and Iâll bite. The drinks and food alone Iâd give a 7/10 tbh but the ambiance here is genuinely so lovely it makes the whole experience more enjoyable. Love the patio for brunch or lunch, too. Big fan of their âDevilish Toastâ.
(4) Hello, Sailor
Best for: Drinking boozy slushees by the lake and pretending you have a boat
QCH take: Even though Hello, Sailorâs quality has declined in recent years, their patio still remains among a top for me. Sitting by the lake at a tiki bar lets you fake being on vacation and itâs a WILD people watching spot. The C.L.S.D Negroni Slushee (made with Cherry Lemon Sundrop) is maybe my favorite warm weather drink of all time? Iâve always been into the MCM fish camp vibe here.
(5) Rosieâs Coffee & Wine Garden
Best for: Talking shit with your book club
QCH take: Rosieâs takes me back to my childhood obsession The Secret Garden (minus the fear of becoming an orphan). Itâs more than a patioâitâs a whole ass garden. Space-wise itâs ideal for bigger groups and you can bring outside food in. If your idea of a good time leans more towards solo reading time while enjoying a glass of wine, thereâs tons of cozy quiet spots for that too. Be warned that the parking isnât great and sometimes thereâs private events on the weekends, so check before you go.
5 things I consumed this week in Charlotte


âThe Royaleâ ($10.95) with a single patty from Harrietâs Hamburgers. Discovered that I actually prefer âThe O.G.â over âThe Royaleâ. I love the lacy edges of their burgers and the âSimple Sauceâ is so, so good. Obsessed with their fries, too.
A coloring book page (free) from Superica in Strawberry Hill. This was enjoyed alongside a few margs and tacos with friends. There were no children in attendance but we all decided that adult coloring at dinner should be a thing. I really love their chips and salsa (also free) and they have a pretty banger patio.
Lamb bolognese ($28) and a San Sebastian Martini ($19) from Rada. Literally repeated my order from last time (reviewed here). Sat at the bar. Didnât take any photos. Lived my best martini and pasta life with no regrets. This place rules.
A cool vintage art piece ($150) from The Brass Grasshopper. Ventured to Matthews to check out this vintage store I saw on Instagram and it is MAGICAL. If you enjoy thrifting or vintage shopping, the selection is incredible and itâs less overwhelming than Sleepy Poet (still love them tho). Thereâs a Hardy Boys Record section in there too.
A bunch of vegetable seeds ($24) from Sow True Seeds. We started planting these in our garden this week so basically Iâm a trad wife now. The company is located in Asheville and they have tons of cool heirloom varieties.


Trying to decide what restaurant I want to try and review next. Itâs between Restaurant Constance & DĹZO. Thoughts? Also any patios I should check out?
c u next tuesday,
the hag herself
All of the food and drinks reviewed in QCH are paid for by the author. This newsletter does not feature any ads or sponsored content.
Why not just pull a double double and hit RC and DOZO in one night?! (I kid, kind of)
Honorable mention to Brawleyâs for zero (yet somehow also perfect) ambiance when you want to order takeout P&P and let your kids run around feral in the dirt đŤĄ